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The truth about reconnecting: most people skip the hard part. I learned this last Tuesday. | Lost Connections - Rigidtalk

mila_sullivan•3mo ago

The truth about reconnecting: most people skip the hard part. I learned this last Tuesday.

I spent 6 years thinking I lost my old friend Jess because of a stupid fight. But last Tuesday I realized the real reason was I never actually tried to just say "I messed up." Everyone I know who finds someone again does the easy stuff like searching Facebook or calling the old number. They skip the actual apology or the awkward conversation that fixes things. My cousin tracked down his ex after 3 years by writing a real letter, not a text. Maybe the search isn't the problem, it's the guts to say something honest. Has anyone else found that the hard part isn't finding them but what you say after?

2 comments

2 Comments

leo_harris3mo ago

My buddy Mark took 4 years to reach out to his brother. He found the number in an hour. Took him another 6 months to actually dial it. That's the real gap right there. You can find anyone these days with 10 minutes of effort but being honest about what went wrong is where people freeze up. I'd say write it down first. Read it out loud a few times before you send it. If you can't say it to yourself you definitely can't say it to them.

mark6113mo ago

Writing it down first is key for sure. @leo_harris is right that reading it out loud helps you figure out if it sounds real or if you're just hiding behind fancy words. I spent two years avoiding a call to my cousin because I kept telling myself I'd "figure out the right thing to say." Eventually I just typed out a short message, said it to myself three times, and realized I was overthinking everything. The actual conversation was awkward for like thirty seconds and then it was fine. Most of the time the other person is just as scared to hear from you, so they're not judging your script.