I tried two ways to handle a friend who always cancels and one actually worked

For about a year, I had a friend who would bail on plans at the last minute, like 9 out of 10 times. My first approach was to just keep saying 'no problem' and reschedule, hoping she'd feel bad and stop. That did nothing. After the third time she canceled on a movie we'd picked, I switched it up. I got specific and said, 'Hey, it's okay if you're busy, but when you cancel right before, it makes me feel like my time isn't important to you.' I said it over text from my couch in Cincinnati. It was awkward, but she actually apologized and explained she gets bad anxiety about committing. Now we do more low-key stuff, like just meeting for a quick coffee with no firm end time. Has anyone else had to be really direct to save a friendship?

2 comments

2 Comments

hall.finley21d ago

Masonpark's "let it fade out" take misses how some flakiness is just bad habits, not bad intent. Calling it out kindly like you did can reset the pattern without a whole drama thing.

masonpark21d ago

Honestly, that sounds like a lot of work for a movie buddy. If someone bails that much, maybe just stop making plans with them and let it fade out. Not every friendship needs a big talk to fix it, sometimes people are just flaky.