TIL my best friend of 15 years had been venting about me to her husband behind my back, and I'm torn on how to handle it

So I found out last week that a friend I've known since college has been complaining to her spouse about stuff I do - like how I always pick expensive restaurants or how I talk too much about my job. She said it to him in a group chat that I accidentally saw on her phone when she handed it to me to look at a photo. Now I don't know if I should confront her directly, or if that would just make things worse. Part of me thinks it's normal to vent to your partner, right? But another part feels super betrayed that she never said any of this to my face. Has anyone else dealt with finding out a long-term friend talks about you behind your back? How did you decide whether to bring it up or let it slide?

2 comments

2 Comments

jana_price11h agoProlific Poster

Used to think venting to a partner was totally normal and healthy, but this changed my mind. Seeing it written out like that in a group chat makes it feel way more calculated and sneaky than just talking to him privately. She had so many chances over 15 years to bring up the restaurant thing or your job talk to your face, but she chose to complain to him instead. That's not venting, that's building a secret case against you.

nina_butler13h ago

Wait, she actually typed that stuff out in a group chat with her husband knowing you might see it? That's a whole new level of careless, not just regular venting. I'd be way more pissed about the fact that she never brought it up to you directly, that's the real betrayal here. You gotta decide if you can get past knowing she's been whispering about you for years, because that trust is pretty cracked now.