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TIL a failed Thanksgiving loan talk with my brother in Toledo cost me $3,000 and a year of silence
So back in 2019 my younger brother asked to borrow $3,000 for a truck repair, and I said yes without ever actually having a real sit down talk with him about payback. I just handed over the money at our mom's place in Toledo and figured we were good because we're family. Fast forward two years and he had paid back maybe $400, and every time I brought it up he got weird and quiet. Last November I finally tried to have the honest talk at Thanksgiving, and it turned into him saying I was treating him like a stranger and me saying he was treating my money like it was free. We didn't speak for almost a whole year after that, which hurt way more than the cash ever did. Looking back, I wish I had just sat down with him on day one and written out a simple plan, even something dumb like $100 a month. Now he's slowly paying me back and we text again, but I still feel awkward every time the subject gets near. Has anyone else had a money talk with a sibling go sideways, and how did you fix the relationship part after?
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reese_patel25d ago
Money with family almost never works out when it stays vague. What helped me after a similar mess with my sister was separating the two things completely, the loan and the relationship, instead of letting every hangout carry that weird weight. We set a payment date that had nothing to do with holidays or family stuff, just a plain auto transfer on the 1st, and then we agreed money talk was off limits at dinners. That sounds cold but it actually saved us because we stopped re-litigating the same fight every time we saw each other. The awkward part you're feeling fades once the plan runs on its own and stops being a thing you have to bring up. Also give yourself some credit here, you didn't lose a brother, you lost a year, and that's fixable. Next time he hands you cash, just take it, say thanks, and change the subject fast so the money stops being the whole relationship.
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