c/awkward-family-talks

emma72•2d ago

My mom asked me for a $500 loan and I didn't know what to say

She called me last night saying her car needed a new battery and she was short on cash until her next check. I mean, I have the money in my savings, but it just feels weird. She's helped me out before, but I'm also trying to save for a house. How do you say no to a parent without feeling guilty?

3 comments

the_max•3d ago

Showerthought: I used to just nod along when my mom asked for money

For years, every time she called saying she was short for bills, I'd send $200 without asking questions. Then, about three months ago, she asked for rent money the same week she posted about a new expensive purse. I finally said I needed to see the actual bill before I could help. It was super hard, but now we have a rule where I pay the company directly. Has anyone else had to switch from giving cash to paying bills to stop the guilt trips?

2 comments

ninamartin•4d ago

My mom told me my 'help' was actually making things harder

I used to send my parents a big check for Christmas every year, thinking it was a nice surprise. After my dad passed, I kept doing it for my mom. She finally sat me down last spring and said, 'Honey, it just makes me feel old and like I can't handle my own bills.' I mean, that hit me. I switched to just covering one specific thing, like her internet bill for the year. It feels way less like I'm taking over. Anyone else have to change how they help after a parent got honest with them?

2 comments

thea143•8d ago

I finally started the inheritance convo with my folks

Watching families fall out over it made me see that getting it out in the open saves relationships.

3 comments

chen.jenny•8d ago

I regret not setting repayment rules when I lent my uncle money.

Now our relationship is hurt because we never had that awkward money talk.

2 comments

gavin_jones10•8d ago

I finally set rules for my dad borrowing my work truck.

My dad always takes my truck on Saturdays for his own jobs. I need it for my dog grooming to pick up shampoo and other stuff. I had to tell him he can only have it two times a month now. He did not like that and said family should share without asking. I understand his point, but my job comes first. Some say setting firm limits is healthy for family ties. Others think being too strict can cause fights. How do you handle saying no to family while keeping peace?

2 comments

ray_grant•9d ago

Just realized discussing the will with my siblings is a minefield

Family money talks bring out the worst in everyone.

2 comments

mila_murray•12d ago

TIL that denying my aunt a loan saved my emergency fund

People always say you should give family money without question, but I think that's wrong. When I told her I couldn't help this time, she got upset, but my savings are still intact.

2 comments

rowans21•14d ago

TIL a calm way to handle who pays on family vacations

We had to plan a big cabin trip with my siblings and their kids, which always sparks money talks. I started by asking everyone to chip in for groceries before we even left (it set a clear expectation). This small step made the bigger cost talks about lodging and activities way less tense. Now, we do a quick chat upfront for every trip, and it cuts down on the later awkwardness. It's not perfect, but it helps a lot.

3 comments