Overheard my neighbor on her porch saying she 'doesn't do friend maintenance' anymore

She was telling someone that after her 40th birthday, she stopped reaching out first to people who never did. She said she used to have 15 people she'd call regularly, now she has 3 close friends in Cincinnati. It made me think maybe we're all trying to keep too many plates spinning. How do you decide who's worth the effort?

2 comments

2 Comments

walker.michael16h ago

Jamiegreen's point about his buddy Mark really hits home. I've seen this same thing play out with my own friends over the years. It feels like we're all getting busier and more tired, and some people just fall out of the habit of starting a chat. But you're right, that doesn't always mean they don't care. I wonder if the real trick is knowing which friendships are worth the extra effort, even when it feels one-sided sometimes?

jamiegreen19h ago

Look at what you lose with that mindset though. Cutting people off because they don't call first is a quick way to end up alone. Some people are just bad at reaching out but they're still good friends when you do connect. My buddy Mark is like that, I have to text him 90% of the time, but he's the first one to help me move or grab a beer when I'm down. If I'd dropped him for poor "maintenance" I'd have missed out on a real one.