@the_sandra must calibrate her coffee scale with that ego.

Totally feel you on this, it's a tough one to navigate.

Beat up and hasn't been washed in years" but has 4k under the hood? That guy is living in 3024 while we're stuck polishing our door handles.

My grandma had a bottle of soy sauce in her pantry from like 1998 and she used it up until she passed in 2015 lmao. She always said salt is a preservative so as long as it smells right and doesn't have anything floating in it, you're good. I've definitely kept fish sauce longer than 18 months before, that stuff is basically liquid salt with some funk added. The only time I ever had one go bad was when I left it in direct sunlight by accident for a few months and it turned kinda brown and cloudy. But even then I just used it in a stir fry and didn't die or anything lol.

Hold up, wait a second. I think everyone is missing that your starter might actually be a zombie now. If you've been starving it for two years, it's probably developed some kind of rebellious survival mode where it just doesn't care about normal feeding schedules anymore. Like it's been eating its own dead cells out of spite. You might have accidentally created a starter that only works on a chaotic feeding schedule, which could be the new trend artisanal bakers will charge $200 for in three years. Just call it 'disruptive fermentation' and watch the hipsters line up.